Ignorance as a Service

There are times when I am just astounded to hear the bullshit that comes out of my peers mouth. Now this is a serious topic so allow some poetic justice, I’m going to make it funny:

For some, I have to accept it because their business model is the B.S. delivery vehicle, it’s their business to move it.

For others, it’s all I can do not to punch myself in the face to check if I still have any brains left are the wave of dumbass just washed up in front of me.

“I will not participate in a down economy!”

Oh yeah? Well, why stop there? How about: “I will not pay any income or corporate taxes this year!” leading to jail time or “I will no longer stop at red lights!” leading to death.

Here is the truth: You do not get to decide whether or not you are exposed to macroeconomic factors. End of discussion.

But let’s for a second all be ignorant and consider the possible outcomes. How can you possibly respond to economic conditions your clients are experiencing and still increase your revenues:

1) Reduce costs. Good luck with that one, everything has gone up in cost. So your options in reducing costs involve providing a worse level of service.

Pro: Temporary increase in profit margin.

Con: Long term loss of clients, reputation and leads.

2) Increase revenues. You can’t increase your rates because your clients are already touchy about ongoing service fees and increasing them will make them more welcoming of an alternative. You can’t sell more because people are in a budget slashing mode, not adding to expenses. I suppose you can start a meth lab or clean out your data center and replace it with a weed growing lab. You’re already at a $600 power bill, so the power surge from your garden will not throw red flags at the telco company. But let’s suppose you do a fire sale. Managed workplace. We’ll clean your SPAM as well as your floors!

Pro: Temporary increase in revenues at cost of a profit margin.

Con: Loss of focus and possible loss of insurance.

3) Change your business model. If you don’t have the funds to advertise your current business model and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, change your business model.

Pro: Dreams can be so sweet.

Con: You lose all your revenues in an uncertain marketplace. Risky, suicidal…

What else can I do to fail miserably:

1. Show your clients you are really desperate: Beg or incentivise them to recruit people for you.
2. Make your antisocial techs into sales people. Antagonize both your clients and your employees with one swift decision.
3. Donald Trump’s School Of Going Broke BIG TIME. Leverage your current credit to buy things in bulk and assume a huge debt, hoping that you can eventually move it.
4. Go dark. Start installing spyware on your existing client bases computer and leverage your AdWords account to fill in on the loss of managed services revenues.
5. Blackmail as a service. You know all that porn you’ve been deleting from your clients computers for years? Start archiving it. When the client threatens to cancel, offer them a free training class on SharePoint. “This is your picture gallery. It can have all the things your wife doesn’t know you’re into. Now, let’s review that agreement, shall we?”

So what do I do?

If what you are doing is not successful and didn’t work when the economy was good, change your business plan. If your customers are canceling services, change your business plan.

If what you have works, push it harder and further.

But for the love of god, don’t lie to yourself. Running a business is not simply a factor of your effort and intensity, it requires consideration of others too.