I needs a Followup-Cleaning Monkey

I need to hire a followup / cleaning monkey. As we continue to grow the need for a person that does no technical work is rising (ie, is incapable of helping, even if they wanted to); Here is what happens – we process a ton of orders, support requests, DR and other nightmare scenarios during the day. 9/10 times, we know the point of resulution and when we reach it, we close the ticket. Or we wait and after 36 hours of no updates we consider the issue abandoned.

What I am after is a slightly technical person to act as a monkey followup / poo-flinging-cleaner that can call the clients and make sure everything that needed to get done got done. For example, if the ticket is closed 90% of the way, I need this person to call the client up, review the ticket, see if there was anything more we could have / should have done. Roll the output into either a bug or feature request or reopen the ticket with a more precise problem definition.

The key to this working is hiring a non-technical person. If I hire another engineer, they’ll try to help and then the feedback loop will break again. If I hire someone thats somewhat helpful they’ll still try to help – and we’ll rope them into doing “something”, I just know it.

So… is this just a general intelligent secretary? Service operations QA manager? Recommended salary? If you’ve got the advice post a comment or contact me privately, I need to catapult this role from my daily tasks ASAP.