Hi, I want a pink Ford Model T, NOW!

Henry Ford, father of the 20th century corporate slave model and racist, once said that “customer can have any color he wants so long as it’s black” and some 100 years later we still put our process over service because it keeps us from making new mistakes and our costs are predictable.

This is one of the most fundamental concepts in economics and business and everyone adheres to it, even the ones who make themselves to seem like a blatant exception to it. Enzo Ferrari, Donald Trump, solid gold toilet manufacturers and guys that build cell phone towers in the middle of an Arabian desert for Prince Al-Waheed all work on the same principle of a single price for a single service/product and then extra cost for any wild thing you can dream up. Again, nothing new here.

There are many people just being handed their pinkslips right now that are entering the business market and clearly separating themselves from anyone with actual business training or experience. How? They want the pink Model T. They also want it at the same price of a black one. When told that it is something we don’t do, they try to phrase the same thing in another way, as if they are going to trick you into saying something else. It’s like a four year old trying to outsmart a grownup. To their little mind it just does not make sense how an organization has set a deliverable, a process, a support structure, a pricing model, a marketing message, a roadmap… and uweeee, they need to change it. They want their Model T.

This is where I generally hang up and wish them best of luck on Monster.com because that kind of attitude will not get them any business.

But truth is, we all meet clients with exceptional demands that have exceptional needs. I will sell you a gold toilet with an Exchange mailbox, I promise. It will just cost you more than you are prepared to part with.

The worst thing you can say to someone is that you just don’t do X. Sure we do X. We do X and we like it. You just can’t afford it, but I’ll let you figure that out yourself, I won’t be the one to spell it out.

We all are challenged by customers with unreasonable expectations, but if we behave in a way that points out their own inadequacies to them instead of us picking on them, we still might win. Who knows, they may just be completely insane with money to burn. Who am I not to take your money?

Fundamentals of whoring: Set your service, set your price, and be willing to do anything and everything their bank account can support. Now go on ho, make me some green.

What can I get for $10? An Exchange 2007 mailbox with 1GB of storage and a copy of Outlook 2007. Oh, I need UM, too. If you got the money honey, we got your disease….