Closed For Business

I am seriously considering shutting down our phone systems on Mondays.

Here are the types of people that call on Monday:

1. People whose reminder or alert came up to bug us about something they have no interest in seeing through. Sales people, junk service pushers, product managers, etc. Their goal is to try and cram in the call on Monday when they are virtually guaranteed to swamp someone and delay doing any real work for a few days.
2. Proxy depressives. These are the people who just had someone rip them a new one and they want to do the same to us. You know, because abusing people on the phone is the way to get them to help you.
3. Work mirage. These are folks that call between 11:30 and noon, hoping, wishing, praying they hit your voicemail. If you seem to get a lot of hangups on a Monday, that’s why. They are looking to hit your voicemail with something extrasuperurgent so you will dial their voicemail for the next 4 days while they are out on a pretend sales call. The phone rings in the office so they appear busy even though they have absolutely nothing to discuss. See: sales people.
4. Heavy drinkers. Wow, I had an insane weekend, I completely forgot the protocol and how to work with other human beings. I don’t remember my name, my company name, any of my passwords but I DEMAND SATISFACTION! Don’t even dream to remind these people to RTFM or search their inbox for the info you’ve sent them 50 times.
5. Match.com rejects. It’s Monday, I’m alone, I just spent the weekend with human beings and I need some company. Please talk to me. Please, tell me about your work. Can we set aside a 4 hour conference call to go over that oneliner email that requires a YES/NO/OK response?

Imagine the productivity boost your organization would enjoy if it could just focus one day of the week and defer the 5 of the above to their next “victim” of The Mondays?