Brief note on my availability..

Second day back at work, feels like a lifetime has passed since the last vacation. Today I tried, unsuccessfully, to bail from work for 5 solid hours. In the end, I was the last sucker left there. 🙁

I love what I do and (for better or worse) work is my life. I guess that makes me appreciate time I spend away from it that much more. Every minute counts..

to wit…. (trust me, it’s a word, means “shitty transition phrase joining two otherwise unrelated topics in an attempt to mask the fact that the writer is likely illiterate and probably retarded”) here is a brief Vlad Followup Process (VFP):

Vlad Mazek returns scheduled phone calls Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 9:45 AM to 10:30 AM EST.

Vlad Mazek is generally available for scheduled conference calls Monday through Friday, from 3:30 to 4:30 PM EST.

There is a difference between the two. Morning calls are meant for external parties that have a suggestion, question, recommendation or otherwise need a problem solved. This only happens if Travis was unable or unwilling to address the issue with the MonkeyForce. I will do everything I can to address the issue you are experiencing and my goal is to get off the phone ASAP. In the afternoon, I am likely just back from lunch and down for anything. If you need me to talk to multiple people, clients, executives, approve paperwork or spend money, this is when you need to book your time.

Electronic media:

I am available via email. If I know the answer, I will respond immediately. If I do not know the answer to that question the message is dragged into an “Active” folder which is gone through several times a day. Staff calls this “Vlad Queue” or more affectionately “Oh, you’re vqueued” (don’t try to spell out “v” and you’ll get the idea). If you end up in this folder, I will respond once the person that actually knows the question has the answer.

I am really not a bad person: If you ask something so ambiguous that nobody wants to respond to it, you might not hear for a week or longer. Things like “Are there any issues” is like asking people to kick themselves in the crotch, repeatedly. Nobody will ever admit to an issue. So be specific “Hey, email from X to Y didn’t arrive at Z and I have M ready to shoot L.”

If I am alone in my office, I will respond to the MSN IM, my address is vlad@ownwebnow.com. The odds that I am alone in my office are slim to none. Again, I am not a bad person – but I run a large organization and with a lot of new people I do not yet know what level of sensibility is appropriate. Most people send me filthy, filthy, filthy stuff…. so if there is a lady in my office I am not going to click on anything that starts with the words Erick, Dave, Mark or Karl. I just won’t. You know why.

I update my Facebook when I’m in the bathroom or if I just got off a terrible conference call. It’s really not a good time to chat with me either way. Trust me.

What else, what else… Yeah, Facebook has a cell phone on it. I answer it. It’s my second iPhone. Same rules for all of the above apply.

I’d love to sit here and lie to you about this being a temporary issue and that as a result of some terrible HR issues I’m yet again in charge of ExchangeDefender and Shockey Monkey and that really soon now the staff I hired the last quarter will kick butt – they will, no doubt – but this is just the way it is. If you want my time, you’ve gotta buy me a drink. Simple as that. 🙂  Someone has to pay for Versace suits.