Microsoft Tablet vs. Apple Office: Which idea is worse?

One of the biggest signs of success and opulence is losing respect for money. If you have trust-fund-baby friends out there that have never had to work for a dollar (or euro or pound to be fair to my readers), you know what I mean.

But when corporations do it it’s like a thousand times worse.

First, shareholders must cringe when they read about what their profits will be going to. Employees aren’t far behind – as they are both the shareholders at times and probably feel they ought to get a better bonus structure if the company is doing so well. Stock markets follow this stupidity and don’t reward companies that make foolish decisions (buying of Skype, partnerships with Nokia) so even Microsoft is seemingly going away from rewarding it’s employees with stocks and using cash (“cash” sounds better than “salary”) instead.

Bad Idea Faceoff

First of all, relax. This rant is meant to be a joke, even though it draws on the facts.

Apple wants to build a 12,000 employee building that looks like a spaceship without an inch of flat glass vs. Microsoft branded tablet.

This is the kind of stuff you expect to hear come out of Donald Trump’s mouth, or maybe on an episode of MTV Cribs. But when two of the biggest software companies on earth get together to collectively put spinners on their stock value you’ve got to wonder if Shaq is now a corporate strategy consultant.

Now I don’t want to get on a rant, but come on Microsoft – haven’t you proven that putting Microsoft on a label doesn’t instill any confidence? Remember how hard Apple worked to destroy Microsoft and Vista trademarks? The constant taunting, jokes and ugly realities that people have not forgotten. Why in the world would you want to piss off all your partners that currently make devices using your OS? I know, I know.. because Google did it and they failed and Apple did it and they rock. Except Apple is a consumer electronics company and you are not. You’ll have the same level of success Google has had with their Nexus devices – nobody wants a “proof of concept” device. That is called “OS emulator” and you already make enough of those. Do your employees and shareholders really need to watch you launch another pot without a bottom like your Windows Phone that keeps on eroding in every metric available? Why can’t you just be happy that you get $10 (approximately) off every Android device HTC makes due to your patents and just retire to Florida like all the other retirees?

And Apple. Do you really want to put all of your employees in a glass prison? Don’t you have enough egg on your face from your Foxconn drama featuring suicides and explosions? Does Curpentino really need another Steve Jobs Penitentiary and correctional facility? And making a building out of glass? Go ahead and tell the world that the reception on the iPhone will suck so bad for the next 6 years that you had to build your headquarters in a way that everyone was working next to a window so they can get some cell bars. Seriously? What are you thinking? People can see through the glass and find out what you’re working – what about the corporate tradition of murdering people (ahem, suicides) secrecy?

Just take The Simpsons advice and build it under the sea.

Now back to being unfunny..

Respect Cash

There is nothing wrong with cash. It’s beautiful. The poorer the culture, the more beautiful their money is – it’s like a work of art.

Yet when companies grow their management seemingly gets bored and instead of perfecting their products and listening to their customers they decide to pitch a spaceshuttle styled glass building in California.

To everyone outside of your ears it only seems like you’re taking your eyes off the ball. To your customers, it sounds like you’re not really focusing on their problems. To your shareholders, you’re wasting money. Even your employees may feel slighted and boy do you have a problem on your hands when that happens.

It’s not a good recipe, no matter the size of the company.