Zamn Zats Zugly

Ouch. Double Ouch. Zune is getting its fair criticism that many shared, as have I.

Today I got another chance to play with the Zune at our local Costco. The first thought that goes through your mind as you reach out for this device is: “Looks like a personal media player to me!” – quick, think of a successful PMP. The Clix? No. Archos? No. Zen Vision? No. Meizu? Who? Meizu! Playstation Portable? Ooooh, yeah, I’d like one of those! (keep this in the back of your mind for a second)

The second feeling you get when you pick up the Zune is that of pure exhaustion. The girly man syndrome. The arm cramp, the feeling of your biceps tearing ever so gently as you pick up this brick of a portable device.

Poor Zune. Poor Microsoft! Where is the traditional innovation I’ve learned to expect from Microsoft? Oh. Ok. Semantics, people. Where is the traditional shameless theft of IP I’ve learned to expect from Microsoft? Where is the ingenuity of stealing someone else’s kind-of-successful product, re-branding it and improving on it ever so slightly? Stick a Microsoft logo… no… wait… an XBOX logo! Surely if people lined around the corner to buy an Xbox they’ll do the same for the Zune!

How did this go so very, very wrong? Here is a breakdown for you:

• Microsoft chose a portable media player product format with a long track of failed launches as overall consumer disinterest.
• Microsoft failed to associate the new device with an already successful brand in the consumer world – not MSN Zune or XBox Zune.
• Microsoft failed to rally its base of enthusiastic users — think fast, which one of your friends has a Zune?
• Microsoft brought 0 innovation to the game, not even an incremental effort. What is one useful feature you can get from Microsoft Zune that you can’t get elsewhere? The ability to share your songs with someone. The benefit that expires in 72 hours.

Fair enough, enough Zune bashing.

Microsoft has problems. No, thats not my opinion, that is Microsoft’s internal accountants commentary on the challenges and going concerns Microsoft continues to face from its competitors. The challenges to their business model. They are afraid.

But… Microsoft has a plan and a vision to combat these threats through innovation and giving customers what they want. Then why for the love of god did Microsoft choose not to learn anything from Apple, not to listen to its customers, not to eliminate any issues people have with current players, not to bring anything innovative to the consumer?

I am as puzzled as you are. I do know one thing, I wouldn’t want one of these under the Christmas tree. What will become of Zune? Perhaps a sweepstakes to incentivize people with baggy clothes and good belts into attending long and boring webcasts?

There are times on this blog when I give my good friend Steve Ballmer some practical advice. This one might get me killed but here it goes: I believe the following will be written by the Zune team for its tombstone:

Microsoft Zune:

Because we had to give boss something other than a chair to throw at us.