This Springs Absolute MUST Attend Event

Awesome
2 Comments

Soo… this one goes in the WTF category if there was one:

California NOW: Tax Workshop for Strippers & Sex Workers:

http://www.canow.org/canoworg/2009/02/tax-workshop-for-strippers-sex-workers.html

Topics for discussion include the pros and cons of income and tip reporting, what receipts to save and what records to keep, how to write off expenses for costumes, shoes, sex toys, computers, cell phones, etc.

The most hilarious part? Organized by “California National Organization For Women – Working to advance the women & girls of California”

Now I know many women, from very liberal to very feminist, some even in the industry that this workshop is geared for, and I’m absolutely certain none of them would consider this to be working towards the goal of advancement.

I sooooo want to be there for the Q&A!!!

The funniest part? I got this from Ms. Susan Bradley.

Cry me.. Cry me….

Vladville
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I’m slowly training people not to put me on the speaker-phone. <names removed for their safety>

Earlier today, one of the support guys called and asked the following question:

Support: I asked <the developer> about this feature and he said it was impossible. So I wanted to call you and just confirm.

Now, before I explain what ensued, feature creep is my achilees heel. I hate feature requests that show up in the middle of product design that nobody bothered to submit before. Especially now, when OWN is kicking ass and everything is on the up and up. I’m dedicating this year to sticking to the deadlines, shipping stuff and basically delivering. Something we’ve quite frankly sucked at in the past.

Vlad: Ok, what would you like?

Support: Well, you know that ____? Yeah, well…

Now I know this feature request, it will save us 1 minute every month that we have it happen. So I could be rude, cut him off, hang up and tell him not to bother the developer.

But for some reason, I was in a very good mood. Very good mood = Complete Ass.

As he was describing the feature I started humming the Justin Timberlake song – Cry me a river.

Then I started to sing.

It went downhill from there 🙂

Sadly, they are learning Vlad speak. “So when you say it’s on the to-do list does that mean it’s going to get done or is that Vlad for it’s never, ever, ever going to happen?”

No more Facebook friends

Vladville
3 Comments

Just a broad announcement to make sure I am not offending anyone.

Starting today, I will not be approving any more Facebook friends. Unless I’ve met you, I’m not adding you. Over the past two weeks I’ve received a few dozen requests, most from people that work at Own Web Now – whose names I don’t recognize – so until Facebook gets their spammer problem under control I’m not looking at that tab anymore.

Customer Disservice Fantasies

Friends
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Here is something to brighten up your weekend.

Last week I chatting to my buddy Erick in passing on IM (apparently both of us need clones and secretaries but if there is a problem with a hotel reservation or ExchangeDefender both of us waste our valuable time instead of sacrificing the underlings). A while back one of Erick’s star employees moved to Central Florida and was looking for a gig but my schedule has been all over the map and I just didn’t get a chance. The following conversation ensued:

Erick: You gotta talk to him.
Vlad: I know man, I’m sold, I just need to find some time.
Erick: He is loyal, dedicated, really cares about the customer.
Vlad: Oh. He won’t fit in here at all.

You see, Popcopy skit from the old Dave Chapelle show is one of the staff favorites at Own Web Now. I have to admit that it is about the only thing that can resurrect my day after I’ve had to spend ten minutes on a phone apologizing for stuff that is not our problem, trying not to get straight to the point and as my Beverly Hills guys say: “Go all Vladville on him.”

There are days that you just want to grab the computer from the customer, hand them classifieds and say: I don’t know who lied to you but this computer stuff is not for you. Look for a career that doesn’t involve reading comprehension.

Alas, can’t do that.

So I indulge in the guilty pleasure of living vicariously through the skit. Click below to play it (if your reader is not showing the video preview please visit vladville.com directly)

Occasionally you may get snagged by one of these customer people.
Your job is to frustrate them and make them feel unwanted.

You know, a lot of people ask WHY? WHY treat a customer this way?
Why? Cause fuck em, that’s why!

And should you ever doubt yourself and treat a customer with respect, just remember this: you’ve graduated from grade school and you don’t have to take shit from anyone!

Defining Value

Podcast
1 Comment

Earlier today a few of my closest advisers in our business got together to record a podcast: Karl Palachuk, Dave Sobel, Mark Crall, Stuart Selbst talked about Microsoft, Apple, MSP, marketing, top 100 lists, SMB strategies, etc.

This is perhaps the most valuable 1 hour I’ve spent this week because these are the folks I seek out when I go to a conference. Just about the most connected, most social bunch of people I know and talk about a great sounding wall. Now I can keep in touch with them and evaluate all the developments in the space that I may not be in. Today I found at least one successful marketing strategy that we need to be working on, plus all the real stories behind the headlines and what’s really going on.

Karl did mention smbbooks.com once or twice or.. 🙂

And damn it was hilarious.

We’ll have SPAM Show #3 online early next week at www.ownwebnow.com, if you’d like to keep in touch with these community podcasts sign up for the blog feed off the main page or just listen to it on the right.

-Vlad

Why I won’t let OWN go direct

IT Business
2 Comments

Every now and then Vladville is not an act and I tell you exactly what’s on my mind. Enjoy.

There is always this sinking feeling of suspicion that my company will go direct.

In part, it’s justified. I am constantly being pushed to go direct by people within my company who have never had the pleasure of doing technical work with a technically handicapped client. Sure, the allure of business, the look and feel of pretty charts of untapped markets of underserved small businesses, home offices and end users is stunning.

Yet, nobody has yet figured out how to sell technological value to technologically ignorant client.

Do you think it’s a sheerer coincidence that smallbiz VARs rarely ever gross over a million in revenues, or just a few at best?

Is it shocking that the only successful and highly profitable tech firms only reach their greatness once they start moving up the client chain where they provide value to the tech staff in a firm that actually values technology instead of fearing it?

Has anyone caught on to the trend in our business, whereby a company can only reach mediocre profitability margins if it rejects personalized consulting service and engages in the cookie-cutter MSP services that address only the standardized technical processes, protocols, alerts and standardized responses?

Nirvana, right? No. Because you see, even at the big stage of larger managed service providers, there too is despair and recognition that scale cannot come from selling something that the client inherently sees no real business value in. So they drop their MSP focus and try to be the shining beacon to the would-be-VARs-and-MSPs, leading them to the same rocks their ship got stranded on: 

Although the article got pulled as of this writing, it stands as a bit of a monument to the whining folks that hit another wall in their venture:

“Mike and I have been writing this blog for some time now and it seems that channelinsider did not find us when it came to writing about valuable resources for managed service providers this week.

I know it is a bit self serving to ask this but if you read our blog regularly it would be great if you could take a minute to let them know they missed us by leaving a comment on the article.

Full article here

That being said we truly believe we are the only educational resource that we have been able to find that does not have any affiliation to a vendor, has grown a managed services practice over 5 million dollars (not including product revenue), and  can share this experience.”

The experience that you, the MSP/VAR of course will have to fork over some cash to hear..

I am not suggesting that everyone is in this business to be a multimillionaire, rather, I am trying to suggest that the folks that get lost in their delusional picture of how technology scales to serve it’s consumers often lose perspective of the actual client and just how valuable they find all of this stuff.

The folks that don’t have that connection to the actual end user are the ones that are lost in the dream of infinite revenues from untapped markets which just need to be enlightened. And when you ask for examples of successful and massively profitable ventures providing similar services, you don’t hear about the guy next door or the local franchise. You see business cases from IBM and Unisys. You see charts from EMC and Citrix. You get quotes from massive research firms.

Yet, when you look around, most people in the VAR/MSP space are well below a million, with just a few collecting more than that and a virtual ghostland in the 8 figure range.

But don’t get me wrong – it’s not all about the money, or growth projections or the opportunity. Plenty of people are where they are and are perfectly happy with where they are going.

I have beef with people who don’t work with the customer, don’t understand the customer, and are desperately trying to make everyone believe that there is cause to profit off people who really could do just fine without you and your product/service.

Of course, it’s not simply enough for me to say it, or to point at the billions of dollars that have been lost by companies trying to court the customer that was adversely served by technology.

Earlier this week someone spoofed our corporate phone numbers and sent a credit fraud SMS and automated voicemails to a bunch of people in the 742 area code. Not only did the fools that got the message call us, but even after being told about a spoofed/forged number and it’s consequences, they still left a voicemail! Some were even so foolish to provide personal information, note that they don’t even have an account with the said bank and just wanted to check in. Yes, really.

Now you see, when you work in a bubble separated from the actual consumers of technology you don’t get the dose of reality that smashes that “predictable service for predictable revenues” dream to pieces. The reason why it’s so hard to build a massively scalable, massively profitable IT operation is in the fact that end user education is so expensive and unpredictable that in the end only big, highly skilled and highly specialized companies generate huge profits. On the other end of polar spectrum sit highly specialized, highly trained individuals working their niche.

In the middle? Hit and miss, and the odds are against you.

Compound this problem with the fact that the general population is getting more technologically savvy and that information technology, be it corporate or personal, is a basic expectation in America – from buying insurance to flight tickets to vacation research to homework – it’s all online and you have to be too.

Trends suggest that catering to the technologically ignorant is a dead end. With everyone suddenly convinced they know exactly what the market needs, and all crashing into it at the same time, the same conclusion is inevitable for even the largest ones.

Which brings me to the bitter conclusion these so called “masters” and “gurus” and “business experts” need to come to terms with: that businesses and business models die and that there is only one fundamental business metric that matters: the profit.

office_spaceSo if what you aren’t doing isn’t profitable, and you know the opportunity will soon sunset…. in terms of the Bob’s…. What would you say it is you do around here?

Thank You

Apple, Awesome
3 Comments

Few weeks ago I was blogging or twittering (can’t really find the thread) about how much I liked MacBook Air but how I would never buy one because 800 pixel vertical resolution just wasn’t good enough for me.

Earlier today, a MacBook Air showed up in my Orlando office. Not sure who sent it, but thank you. I appreciate it.

Now on to another, more pressing topic.

I really, really, really love the new convertible Lamborgini Murcielago. Absolutely, in Gator Orange too!!!

Lamborghini_LP640_38

However, I can’t afford to change my current vehicle because the baby seat can’t fit into the passenger seat.

If anyone from Sant’ Agata Bolognese would like to change my mind, I’ll even come over and pick it up…. 🙂

Understanding the Internet Explorer Problem

Microsoft
10 Comments

firefox-ie

Lot’s of my Microsoft friendly friends (and yes, I’m among the Microsoft friendly folks when it comes to technology) don’t understand the issue most of the technical community has with the abuse Microsoft has been allowed to get away with and would like you to think that this is all about someone else deciding what is best for you.

They would like you to believe that Firefox, Opera, etc know better in requesting that Internet Explorer be removed from the OS. There is no basis for this argument because if they feel they need IE, they can download it free of charge.

What is at stake here is the functionality of web services, which is generally agreed to be the future. Microsoft should not be allowed an inch of competitive advantage for their existing platform, not only because they obtained it in a dirty anticompetitive way, but because their prior behavior indicates they have little interest for anyone but themselves.

And when you’re asking for the world to trust you with their data, you need to be a little more accommodating.

That is what Firefox, Opera, Safari and all others need to push not just EU but also US legislation to do – Microsoft should not be given a free pass on their past transgressions of trying to own open Internet protocols and apply what they have learned from screwing OEMs and VARs into screwing the consumer at large.

If you like IE, download IE. If you like Firefox, download Firefox. If you like Safari, download Safari. If there is more choice in the platform, it stands to reason that there will be more choice and interoperability for services.

Hammer Time (Process, Process, Process)

IT Business
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One of the fellow readers asked how come everyone was stuck in this talk about the process, documentation, checklists and nobody seemed to talk tools anymore (“No posts on SBS? Nothing to say about Shockey Monkey?” / actual quote). Now I should point out that this person likely reads a very select set of blogs… and as usual and as the name implies, Vladville is my world view. So yeah, Karl and I are talking process.

Now that all the disclaimers are out of the way I can come clean….

Since the original posts in June of 2008, our hosting business has grown in the four figure percent range.

As you may imagine, the usual business response to this type of success is to add more monkeys to the bucket. Microsoft’s perpetual failure in managing the channel is pretty much the encyclopedia of how that’s done.

As the business grows and as the offering scales, the user experience is all over the map. You have great experiences. You have horrible interactions. So long as you get 90% of positive responses, you’re gold, right?

Not quite.

This is where the process documentation, development and design come to play. It creates a repeatable experience, protocol and makes company and business problem troubleshooting very similar to debugging and troubleshooting computer systems.

So, much like for most of you, my “new server” business has gone into the toilet. Projects in the SMB land are spotty. But the hosting business is explosive, managed services (w/o committment / contract) is skyrocketing and storage business is about to be set on fire.

We’re automating everything. Not just to reduce the overhead operational costs but to deliver a consistent experience.

For the past two years that I’ve been writing SM, I’ve woken up with only one thing on my mind:

How do I make this s*** someone elses problem.

It turns out it’s quite simple: cloning. In void of that, it’s all about documentation and process management.

Grindin’

Vladville
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Today was a Sunday, day on which most professional people rest.

I on the other hand took a trip to the lovely downtown Orlando to do a crack cleanup. What is a crack cleanup you may ask? It is a day of cleaning up after myself and crackheaded ideas about designing, building and running a business. I wish I were perfect and that everything I touched turned to gold and worked every single time, all the time.. but I don’t have that kind of luck.

To tell you the truth, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I get to work with some of the most advanced technology on the market, at just about the grandest scale where getting stuff done takes a lot of creativity and there is no simple cheat sheet or walkthrough. I get to try a lot of cool stuff and then when stuff actually does work I get to document it and hand it off to someone else that can push it across the finish line.

Life is good.

To give you some ideas of what I did with my day:

Process – Documented the process of how KB articles are collected, designed distributed and linked to support request.

Process –  Documented the process of twittering blog posts and NOC alerts. Created a document explaining partners why they should pay attention to our twitter feed (hint: setup SMS alerts if you really want to be on top of everything we do www.twitter.com/ownwebnow)

Code – Ok, I am going to hell for this one. It’s a Shockey Monkey welcome / alerts engine. Think Microsoft Clippy meets Deadbeat brakes.

Podcast – Recorded the preshow for SPAM Show #2, published it online.

Process – Created a process document on how to post-process the show, publish and integrate into the ownwebnow.com web site.

I also tried to shop for flights to the MVP summit but got totally depressed after looking at my schedule and realizing what a global whore I am. I’m spending almost all of the second half of February and all the forseeable future after that on the road. So instead of getting a ticket I went and bought another laptop so I can have a similar setup on the road as I have at home and at the office. Looooser.