If you gotta fail… fail hard.

Posted: 4:49 pm
February 6, 2009
Vladville
2 Comments

A friend who probably wouldn’t want his name mentioned forwarded me the following. I thought it would be fun to open a topic and let you share your own top 5. Here are his:

Wow, doom and gloom to sell managed services?  Will that really work? 

Seriously, what seminars are next?  “The Consolidation of MSPs”, “Learning from the Death of Dell – an educational memorial” and “What we learned from the days of SPLAs”.  Others?

What would your top-5 smart ass reason be?

Mine (you can decide which belongs to whom:

1. Owners who spent too much time at conferences and blogging.

2. Owners who kept firing employees till they churned the entire labor pool.

3. Owners who spend too much time reading books from Erick that they will never understand.

4. Owners who quit after reading Vlad’s blog, got depressed and killed themselves.

5. Owners that waited for bail-out money from the messiah

Now… These are mine:

1. There is a reason why you were laid off. Take a hint already: This IT stuff ain’t for you.

2. You bought management software before you had done any business to manage.

3. Business decision makers don’t take advice from the unemployed. Free tshirt with a Microsoft logo is not proper attire.

4. If your card was printed on your inkjet and you didn’t use it to commit check fraud you fail at life.

5. You didn’t subscribe Vladville in time. Enjoy fmylife.com.

Got any?

Office Space Solutions

Posted: 9:45 am
February 5, 2009
IT Business
Comments Off on Office Space Solutions

Thanks to all of you who wrote to me to say something nice about the previous post. Even though I’m not depressed/sad about what is going on, I appreciate the kind words and all that.

However, a common theme to the emails has been:

You need a vacation.

Just go somewhere, ignore it for a while, start fresh when you come back.

Here is the deal. This year we’re doing a lot of traveling, we’ve beefed up support, customer service and sales and with the new thing that we’ll have online towards the mid-to-late 2009…. I don’t want to be in the position of a Dell executive trying to address the channel – In order to say that we’re the best damn solution out there I need to actually believe it. Right now, there are issues, even if they are minor ones, they need to be fixed before I get to go out and make an ass out of myself.

The thing about support and why try to work on it all… Here is the thing: 95% of the active partners never even open a support request with us. And for 99% of the people the stuff just works or they pay attention to the advisories and deployment guides and they manage. Those are the people that I work for and why I push the monkeys so hard: none of this stuff should require support, it should just work. And so long as we stick to our process and our partners stick to our guides, it does. It does need some finesse though.

P.S. Comments closed, every time I put Office and Solutions in the subject I get spammed by furniture companies.

Office Space Moments

Posted: 11:50 pm
February 4, 2009
IT Business
1 Comment

I’ve had 1 day off in 2009.

The reason I haven’t taken another day off since is because I’ve spent my day off thinking about all the stuff that needed to be fixed.

I’m directly responsible for just about every fsckup OWN has and I’ve been instrumental in bringing it all together so we can focus on driving the company forward in 2009.

We’ve had our growth curve turn completely vertical and it took a better part of two years to get everything tied together, streamlined, documented and moved forward.

Over that time I’ve hired many talented and very smart people.

Having spent this week in their shoes makes me wonder why they haven’t blown their brains out.

office_space

Today, I had my fourth straight day of Office Space moments:

My biggest incentive to work hard and not take another day off is to make sure I don’t have another call like this.

I actually said that on the phone today to a new customer.

Earlier in the day I asked a customer if the support ticket was a joke. His beef was that ExchangeDefender control panel didn’t allow him to enter an email address with the & in it.

Later in the day, after telling a partner that I would pray for him in hopes that his support request will get answered, and him subsequently hunting me down with screenshots over IM — I finally broke down and gave him the answer:

Vlad: you accepted it and bounced it
Nick: Where does it say that?
Vlad: 5.0.0
Nick: wtf
Vlad: dude, are you drinking today or WTF is up?
Vlad: first you ask me to explain a mail delay
Vlad: now a SMTP code  5.0.0
Nick: spam right?
Nick: hummm
Vlad: no
Vlad: PERMFAIL
…
…
Vlad: you’re killing me
Nick: sorry man
Nick: OK, feature request
Nick: ready? 🙂
Nick: { In a nutshell, he wants a warning when his server is catastrophically broken. Apparently SBS 2008 wasn’t enough of a f’n hint }
Vlad: YEAH
Nick: I’ll take that as a NO 🙂
Vlad: Because  I want to have this f**king conversation with 50,000 sysadmins
Nick: Seriously… there should be a notification
Nick: otherwise your system looks bad
Nick: and…. you are having this conversation

So let me get this straight.

Refusing to do something that the customer didn’t bother to spec in the contract and is now refusing to pay $450 to have done after discovering that he can’t run a server is something that we should cover?

SMTP security and business continuity product should also advise it’s users, whose mother3@#$#@$#@$ job it is to run the server, that their server is broken?

Seriously?!?!!?

And people complain about OWN’s support?

The very reason I am doing support this week is because I’ve tasked my entire support team to completely document all problems, issues and FAQs they frequently deal with. My hat is off to you. Not just for the technical expertise to help our client base, but also for the restraint you show in not killing “Vlad’s friends.”

I can’t promise I will do the same.

I am printing the “How’s my support? 1-800-___-____” tshirts right now.

Y’all fill in the blank.

The Coming IT Superstorm (Noon, EST, Wed)

Posted: 12:12 am
February 4, 2009
Vladville
6 Comments

If you think I am a complete ass, you need to be here tomorrow at Noon EST:

https://www1.gotomeeting.com/register/988061113

If you don’t know where your business will be 5 years from now, you need to be here:

https://www1.gotomeeting.com/register/988061113

I’m joining Karl tomorrow on his SMB Books podcast to talk about the world of hosting and how to do hosting right. We had a LOT of questions from the last time I talked with Karl and we decided to do another podcast to discuss how to do hosting right.

Now, you know me and you know Karl. Is this going to be an hour long pitch for the Buy Vlad A Lamborghini Murcielago California Fund(R)? Or is this going to be a dissected, proven set of strategies to transform your business in 88 easy steps for $99 but if you use coupon code URDOOMED we’ll throw in free shipping?

In fact, neither.

My main thesis for the conversation with Karl tomorrow is that the space for providing IT infrastructure services is shrinking as rapidly as the IT budgets are being slashed and IT personnel ending up on the streets. Businesses of all sizes are seeing their infrastructure as less and less of a value and more of a necessary means of communication – one that they’d rather not pay for or deal with. It appears Microsoft, Google, SalesForce and virtually every other software company has noticed this development and are all either giving the basics away for free or charging an arm and a leg for the enterprise high specialization equipment.

Fast forward 3 years from now. Do you think a crappy fluorescent card stock newsletter you’ve been sending out for years with less than a 3% answer rate is still going to work?

In a sea of unemployed technology workers fighting for business with tech savvy insiders capable of adding/removing their applications on a web page, how will you sift your leads for the ones that will consistently pay over $100/hr and what will their technology consulting needs look like?

If you are happy where you are, by all means ignore me.

If you are not looking to ever grow your business and look forward to inertia coasting you through as it has until now, please ignore me.

For all others – ESPECIALLY if you think I am dead wrong, burn an hour with me and Karl: https://www1.gotomeeting.com/register/988061113 at Noon / EST tomorrow.

We’re bringing some whiskey, hookers, blow and Vista DVDs – even if you learn absolutely nothing, I promise, you will be entertained.

(still trying to talk Karl into an official drinking game for every four letter word that comes out during the podcast)

Oh yeah? Windows 7 Starter

Posted: 3:30 pm
February 3, 2009
Microsoft
6 Comments

Just when you thought Microsoft couldn’t FAIL the Windows licensing any harder comes Windows 7:

The complete SKU lineup for Windows 7 is: Windows 7 Starter, Windows 7 Home Basic (in Emerging Markets only), Windows 7 Home Premium, Windows 7 Professional, Windows 7 Enterprise and Windows 7 Ultimate.

Windows 7 Starter? That seems new, what’s that you may ask?

Windows 7 Starter: up to 3 concurrent applications, ability to join a Home Group, improved taskbar and JumpLists;

$#^#$$#^% $#% #%#$% !#$%#$ !% !#$%!#$

I am… speechless.

Dear Mr. Upcroft,

A long time ago you had asked if there was ever anything I didn’t have a comment for: Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009.

-Vlad

Closed For Business

Posted: 5:22 pm
February 2, 2009
IT Business
Comments Off on Closed For Business

I am seriously considering shutting down our phone systems on Mondays.

Here are the types of people that call on Monday:

  1. People whose reminder or alert came up to bug us about something they have no interest in seeing through. Sales people, junk service pushers, product managers, etc. Their goal is to try and cram in the call on Monday when they are virtually guaranteed to swamp someone and delay doing any real work for a few days.
  2. Proxy depressives. These are the people who just had someone rip them a new one and they want to do the same to us. You know, because abusing people on the phone is the way to get them to help you.
  3. Work mirage. These are folks that call between 11:30 and noon, hoping, wishing, praying they hit your voicemail. If you seem to get a lot of hangups on a Monday, that’s why. They are looking to hit your voicemail with something extrasuperurgent so you will dial their voicemail for the next 4 days while they are out on a pretend sales call. The phone rings in the office so they appear busy even though they have absolutely nothing to discuss. See: sales people.
  4. Heavy drinkers. Wow, I had an insane weekend, I completely forgot the protocol and how to work with other human beings. I don’t remember my name, my company name, any of my passwords but I DEMAND SATISFACTION! Don’t even dream to remind these people to RTFM or search their inbox for the info you’ve sent them 50 times.
  5. Match.com rejects. It’s Monday, I’m alone, I just spent the weekend with human beings and I need some company. Please talk to me. Please, tell me about your work. Can we set aside a 4 hour conference call to go over that oneliner email that requires a YES/NO/OK response?

Imagine the productivity boost your organization would enjoy if it could just focus one day of the week and defer the 5 of the above to their next “victim” of The Mondays?

What Growth? It’s time for a lesson on "future"

Posted: 11:13 pm
January 30, 2009
IT Business
Comments Off on What Growth? It’s time for a lesson on "future"

Everyone I talk to as of late seems to be facing more cautious leads. While the sales at OWN are still running fast and strong and we will definitely have an all time record January on the books, our growth is coming on the back of years of research, working close with our partners and being in the right kind of a market with the right mix of products.

That’s the secret to success regardless of the time or climate.

One thing that I don’t get is that most people are surprised that we are growing OWN, working on the new products, hiring and opening offices. Just because we’re doing so well now apparently means we should just sit on our ass and thank our lucky stars?

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You see, before you get to be successful, you have to lead.

Remember all the local PC building shops destroyed by HP and Dell? Where are they now? That era is long gone. Replaced by people who thought they could do better using the PC as just a building block of the service business, not it’s cornerstone.

Now we’re in the gold age of service providers, era dominated by high margins, rampant outsourcing, specialized providers, support and celebration. Let’s drink to this, for it will never end because this time it’s different. You know, like the OEM computer builders used to say.

The only thing that is different with each passing era of technology is the group of assholes behind the scenes thinking about how to make things better, faster, cheaper and put you out of business.

…

You probably won’t see what we’re working on at OWN until the summer or likely until the fall. But the question remains: Why are you growing and expanding into different areas if the current stuff is doing so well?

Now here is the kicker: The guys ask that question right after they tell me that they are struggling to roll out the solutions they have rolled out in the past.

The way I see it, the solutions you are providing now are not the solutions you will be providing in the future. So I’m designing and building something that makes sure I’m here a few years from now.

As always: Who am I not to take your money?

More about this on next weeks Karl’s SMB Conference call, Wednesday at Noon.

ResponsePoint SP2 is out

Posted: 6:10 pm
January 30, 2009
Microsoft
Comments Off on ResponsePoint SP2 is out

Seems some new cool features just got delivered to ResponsePoint faithful in the form of SP2, click here to snag it.

Among the new features: digital service, administrative panels to let users configure call-routing schedules, parked call return and customized URLs for notifications – which means you can finally use this to bring up HUD from Shockey Monkey as you could with Asterisk for the past two years.

Keeps on getting better, RP folks are really nice. Good job.

Don’t F with consultants man

Posted: 10:49 am
January 30, 2009
IT Culture, Security
Comments Off on Don’t F with consultants man

There are many people you can screw over in your company and never really notice it. There are even roles with the responsibility of minimizing the impact angry workers can make. Security personnel, data center guards, lawyers, inhumane resources..

But whatcha gonna do brother when an indian pwns your cron? From the article (excerpt from Wired):

“….another Unix engineer at the data center discovered the malicious code hidden inside a legitimate script that ran automatically every morning at 9:00 a.m. Had it not been found, the FBI says the code would have executed a series of other scripts designed to block the company’s monitoring system, disable access to the server on which it was running, then systematically wipe out all 4,000 Fannie Mae servers, overwriting all their data with zeroes.

“This would also destroy the backup software of the servers making the restoration of data more difficult because new operating systems would have to be installed on all servers before any restoration could begin,” wrote Nye.

As a final measure, the logic bomb would have powered off the servers.

The trigger code was hidden at the end of the legitimate program, separated by a page of blank lines.

To sum it up: Fannie Mae had an Indian consultant THAT THEY FIRED DUE TO INCOMPETENCE running around their network, unrestricted, modifying software without peer review or tripwire, AFTER THEY HAD BEEN TERMINATED?

I am not sure who get’s a bigger FAIL here?

Windows 7 Upgrade Path |

Posted: 2:15 pm
January 29, 2009
Microsoft
2 Comments

Earlier today a fellow blogger from BusinessWeek (awesome magazine btw) cleared up a non-event for us in the IT world that might surprise some that are stuck in their OS comfort zone with XP. Namely:

If you want Windows 7, you’ll have to do a clean install.

So while there will be upgrade pricing and you may be able to install Windows 7 on the PC you’re using to read this blog post, you will have to clean install all of your applications and reapply all your settings when you get to Windows 7.

After all, not much of a surprise: Rarely anything has an “upgrade” path anymore, it’s all either a migration or “came with the new computer” zone.