Mission Asscomplished

SMB
8 Comments

What a lovely profane, filthy road it has been writing this blog for the past year. I would like to thank my friends Chris and Susanne, for helping with the notion that no matter how something sounded there was always a way to bring it to a new low.

It is November 4th and honestly, I’m out of ideas. I have pretty much accomplished my mission of pissing off everyone I can to the point that I can actually enjoy my life, family and business without anyone bugging me or waiting for me or thinking I’m a horrible person for not doing them a favor.

So tomorrow, this blog goes back to what it was prior to the Vlad, the worst person ever series that started last November.

Bit of background for anyone that cares: I have this personality flaw of extreme persistence and competitiveness which just so happened to be channeled in the wrong direction. I did just about everything I could to promote this blog and share the values that are important to me. It lead to a very wide readership through the blog itself, SBS Show, Shockey Monkey, Vladfire, etc. It lead to a ton of conference speaking engagements, focus groups, awards, etc. It also lead to a lot of personal anguish because there isn’t a sweat shop behind Vladville and people like to write very needy things when they need something. When and if I said no I got dragged through the dirt and had some filthy things said about me (far filthier than you’ll ever read on Vladville). I’ve singlehandedly taken more blame for Microsoft Online than even those guys did. Craig-middle-fingerI’ve been called everything from asshole to down right just the bad human being for not attending certain conferences their friends threw. I was “informed” that if I didn’t show up at certain meetings the person would do everything in their power to talk down my business and promote my competitors. The crown jewel of this came last year when I said I would be taking some time off to spend with my wife and my new baby. I think the series of articles written here over the past year have successfully separated me from enough “community” enough reporters trying to build a story and enough Microsoft staff looking for free publicity. Most people that have met me know that I’m a smartass and actually a very nice guy – and I made a mistake of allowing people to take advantage of that. So hopefully I have now built a firewall thick enough to make sure what I do and what I stand for doesn’t get involved in that. Don’t get me wrong, I am not hating on anyone that is trying to shamelessly whore themselves through those things to build a business, I totally respect and recommend that, it’s just that I’m not interested and I need to learn how to say no politely.

When Live isn’t so Live (Wave 3)

Microsoft
1 Comment

Microsoft made a lot of noise about Live last week, but some MSN tricks never die. For example, the new wave of Live apps is beyond broken, but they won’t let you download the old stable ones. So what to do, what to do.

I have a 32bit Vista Enterprise, and after attempting to install Windows Live Suite I am given the following error:

Capture

There was a problem with this installation. Windows Live Suite was not installed.

System error details

Code: 0x8000ffff

Description: Catastrophic failure

I found a great blog by Jonathan Kay covering this very issue and the resolution. It also has great tips on removing and adding different live components.

Just lie to me Jerry

IT Culture
1 Comment

Last week the hard drive on my Dell XPS M1530 got put on life support. Bad blocks, unreadable system files, etc. After an hour of trying to repair Vista and failing on one system file after another I gave up and did the diagnostics check. Yup, drive passed on.

So I contacted Dell Online Support hoping that I would get a quick and painless part replacement under warranty. You can kind of guess where this is heading but keep on reading, there is an important lesson here. After jumping through the Dell hoops and redoing all the steps the Dell technician made me do before he finally shipped the drive I was asked to hold on:

Please give me 2 more minutes my manager would like to have a word with you.

Manager was very polite but I doubt he liked my answer to his question. The issue with support is that we as technical people feel we are beyond process, we know what we are doing so please skip the level 101 stupid questions. The more basics you put me through, the more upset I get. So the more Dell tried to help, the more time I wasted on what was ultimately about $80.

I just wanted to check your experience on Chat with him.
12:35:55 PM        Agent      Sup_Aamer_52067    
Was he able to handle the problem to your satisfaction?
12:36:17 PM        Customer      Vladimir Mazek    
Honestly, I would not rank your support as satisfactory or recommend Dell based on this support call.
12:36:29 PM        Customer      Vladimir Mazek    
However, I do understand you have a process in place for very good reasons and I can respect that.

We went back and forth a little and he did explain the reason why the basics are done (few items I was not aware of, for example they track error codes that are produced by their diagnostics software so they can track defects)

But the point is that this conversation about improving their process really did nothing for me as a customer. I had a piece of electronics which is prone to failure, it failed, I spent my time and then spent it again to get the replacement, no amount of explanation was going to make me feel good about what had happened. They could have thrown a Dell Mini my way, a 42” plasma screen, I still would be shooting time down the sinkhole that is an issue I wish had not happened in the first place.

And if I had unreasonable expectation that everything should work 100% in 100% of the time I wouldn’t be in IT.

Here is where the conversation went to an eventful draw that 99.999% of the support calls end with – both parties are dissatisfied with the outcome. The support did all they could and the customer is still unhappy.

12:41:28 PM        Customer      Vladimir Mazek    
And I did comply with the script and the process.
12:41:38 PM        Agent      Sup_Aamer_52067    
We pass on the error code to the concerned department so that they work on it and try to minimize those errors.
12:41:50 PM        Agent      Sup_Aamer_52067    
Yes. And we really appreciate that.
12:41:52 PM        Customer      Vladimir Mazek    
But you did ask me if I was satisfied with your support and frankly the answer to that is no, I was not.
12:42:21 PM        Customer      Vladimir Mazek    
But I do appreciate the effort and the help and the new hard drive.

This sucks for everyone involved. Dell support gets a bad rep, I probably get dinged a few support points which assures I’m labeled as a jerk never to go above and beyond for because I am holding Dell to an unfair standard.

But this is where he won the ball game. We continued to chat about process, etc and after I summed up my main point of contention:

 12:44:31 PM        Agent      Sup_Aamer_52067    
I will take this feedback and make sure that my agents work on it.

Wow.

Lie to me Jerry, lie to me!

I have no idea if Aamer is going to take the feedback I gave him to his supervisors or if he just got another jerk off his support queue. But the above made me feel really good.

My feedback counted for something, more importantly, I was at least indirectly assured that I was right in my request and not insanely demanding.

There are two outcomes that can be taken with any complaint:

  1. Customer is wrong, f em. They lose.
  2. Customer is right, let’s fix it. They win.

Almost all support cases end up in one of the two buckets. Then there is that third area which makes both parties share a bit of the victory. I feel like I did my diagnostics and assured the first guy that the drive is dead. They feel like they did their job and got me a replacement. But neither of us is perfectly satisfied. Did Dell concede that it was their fault? No. Did I concede that their process makes perfect sense? No.

But I walk away from an incident that I wish I didn’t have to be involved in feeling like the next experience won’t be a negative one.

When you fail people that is pretty much all you can give them, faith that the next experience will be better. Behind the scenes, you work damn hard to make sure the conversation never repeats.

The joy of customer service.

What to do when your carrier is an SPF?

IT Business
1 Comment

This blog is somewhat famous for beating up single points of failure and dragging them through the dirt. The fact that anyone would succumb to such a restriction shows either ridiculously poor judgement or the details are buried deep within the 16 pages of legalese nonsense that only lawyers can engage in massively bleeding the company without legal representation of any bank balances.

So what happens when your carrier is an SPF?

Would you be surprised that most of the large networks happen to be SPFs? (the whole SPFism, from the megalomaniac carriers to IT consultants, is a condition borne out of extreme arrogance – “we have the best network, we know it all and we refuse to hire anyone else to transit our data – the whole world should change to adapt to us” which is about as remote from the purpose of the Internet as possible)

How do they get away with it?

Somewhere in the book of terms and conditions of the agreement you sign with a major telecom organization there is text that basically reads:

“Due to the technical limitations and intermittent outages of certain routes ____ does not guarantee transit to all remote networks.”

This happens to be a very valid argument on surface. Suppose there was a web server somewhere in Malaysia and the boat that it’s on just sunk 2 feet and the switch that was at the bottom of it flooded. Of course we can’t guarantee that.

But when Sprint, an SPF network, decides to drop their peering with Cogent, the worlds largest carrier of Internet’s primary value (pr0n, baby) many people start a bond fire.

Sprint, you should be ashamed.

If you are reading this blog and happen to have a T1 from Sprint you need to drop out of that contract immediately and move to a multihomed carrier. This tactic of bullying your competitors is not just unfair it is a sign of financial instability.

Disclosure: My employer is a large customer of both carriers, however, we do not use either network in an SPF configuration, all are multihomed.

I’m heading to prison

Awesome
5 Comments

That last time this many dawgs for slaughtered, Michael Vick went from multimillionaire to a prisoner. Today, in an epic Georgia bitchslapping festival tradition that is the Worlds Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, Florida Gators DESTROYED Georgia.

Last year there was a little fluke. Every dog gets lucky once in 20 years.

This year it was a massacre at the hands of Florida Gators. 49-10, really 49-3 if you don’t count Georgia scoring on the 4th string players in the last quarter.

Chris, I’ll see you in Atlanta. SEC SEC SEC.

Code Monkey

OwnWebNow, Programming
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Yet another day goes by with me coding during the sunset and then watching the sunrise still wide awake and cranking out code. You may wonder just what kind of a lifestyle that involves. Picture is worth a thousand words:

photo

That is code monkey rocket fuel, baby.

I’m doing about 4 hours of sleep a day, give or take. This involves going to work at about 8-10 AM, working through approximately 1-2 PM. Meetings, phone calls, conference calls, staff meetings, quotes, feedback management, strategery. 🙂

At about 1-2 PM, after the lunch almost puts me into a coma (you’ll see why in the next paragraph) I head on home and sleep through 7-9 PM. Seeing how my wife  makes it home between 6-8 PM I don’t miss out on much. We hang out, watch TV, play on the computer, etc till about 11:30 That is when the code-monkey session comes on:

11 – 2 AM: Layout. While I am 100% sober and alert and can actually think I lay out the objectives, functions, layout, etc. Basically everything that requires a brain gets done here. 2 AM – 6 AM: Code grunt. This is your average coding session, filling in the blanks and making stuff actually functional. Then I wrap it up, upload it, and let my guys test, fix, optimize, etc. I love it, coding – without all that annoying frustrating stuff.

This of course means that any simple carb that enters my body takes approximately 20 minutes to put me in a slight coma. It comes at an advantage too. The other day I was driving back home at 110 Mph on I4 and didn’t even notice – it didn’t even occur to me to look at the speedometer – I just wondered why everyone was moving so slow. Hey, something is gonna kill you, at least this way it’s not prolonged.

It’s pretty exciting. What I’m working on now likely won’t see the light of day for a few months but as you’ve seen from Amazon last week and Microsoft PDC this week, the world of computing is getting it’s biggest paradigm shift in the lifetime of many of us that have only been a part of the “Internet” got pushed into mainstream. Being able to participate in the evolution of communication as big as the printing press or stone tablets is simply amazing – the world without people bolted to the table, tied to the wall and a computer that is constantly crashing or the server that requires a major surgery to keep going and an equivalent of sex change operation to upgrade to the new release…. this next generation of IT people can’t wait to put a tombstone on that kind of an experience and make electronic communication as effortless and taken for granted in reliability as the power, sewer and water systems we enjoy today.

Official Endorsement

Awesome
3 Comments

491px-Mrmcmahon092407 (this is meant to be funny/satirical)

I fully and completely endorse Barack Obama for President of United States of America.

Not necessarily for his policies, or track record, or judgement or his financial plan. I just absolutely love this guys style, the level of ass displayed just today fits into Vladville perfectly:

Arrogance

Obama rolled out a 30 minute infomercial during prime time to pimp himself out for the arguably greatest job in the world. Fighting with a campaign that’s all but run out of money, venom and tax cheating plumbers, to go out and buy 30 minutes across top 3 TV networks to gloat is something even Vince McMahon didn’t do when he bought WCW for spare change in his couch and a pack of peanuts.  

I’m soooo Hood Throwback

Obama held a rally at midnight right down the street from me and brought out the greatest black president in the history of America: William Jefferson Clinton. Not only do I share a birthday with Bubba but the value system too: Chunky college chicks. Yummy.

Cheap Shots

Quote of the election, about taxes: 98% of small businesses make less than $250,000. And 99% of plumbers make less than $250,000!

That my friends is what I call a Vladville hat-trick. If he took a swipe at SPFs and got played out by Lil Wayne and T-Pain I would be defacing my car with a bumper sticker right now.

Cheapshot Update: Not 120 seconds after this post live I got an IM: “you need the full quote – 98% of small businesses make less than $250,000. And 99% of plumbers make less than $250,000! 101% of SBS consultants make < $250K.”

Seriously folks, thank you for reading my blog. If there is one thing this blog can ever do to influence you to be a bigger ass, you let me know 🙂

Just give me credits

IT Business
6 Comments

How is it that certain catchphrases resonate so well with truly ignorant and clueless people? How is it that the stupidity is so powerful that it actually moves them to vote against their best interests? In Florida we now have “Joe the Plumber” commercials, where series of people try to show profound ignorance and lack of understanding of how the tax system works, the punchline being:

I’m supposed to work harder just to pay more taxes?

Yes, you dumb sack of shit, and that’s not called socialism, that is called capitalism.

The harder you work the more money you make and the more taxes you pay.

This is not a really new concept either, it’s been around since 1862, and started as a way to pay for the Civil War. Ever since then we’ve had a tax system (which actually started as a progressive tax system to begin with, charging 3% on the low end and 5% if you made more than 10K a year) under which you pay more taxes the more money you make.

This is the very foundation of capitalism — that greed is good part of Gordon Gecko’s speech. The harder you work the more money you make the more money you contribute to your community and your country and the more of it goes to eliminate poverty, educate the population, feed the hungry, build the roads, build schools, elevate the income and prosperity which feeds back to the prosperity of the entire country and with more expendable income go to exponentially benefit the richest and the hardest working among us.

Somehow this foundation of the federal government in a capitalist society seems to have gotten the “socialist” label over the past year or so. Spreading the wealth is such a mythical concept to the very same people that drive around on the public roads, send kids to public schools, collect social security, veterans benefits, apply for small business loans and try to build a business on top of the very same beneficiaries of all of the above.

I have a plea for Joe the Plumber and The Angry Villager Bandplease quit your jobs and go work for McDonalds. You will make less than $15,000 a year, qualify for some government assistance and be able to pay less than 10% tax. Hard work is overrated, the harder you work the more money you make (which for this part of the argument should be ignored) and the socialists are going to take more and more of your money. If you make more than $23,100 they will try to take 15% of your money, over $43,550 they will try to take 25% of your money and if you work even harder they will take away 28%, or even 33% or oh my god, even 35%. And it gets even worse. If you get really rich and build houses and stock portfolios and cars and get wealthy the socialists will take even more money even after you die in terms of estate taxes. What is the incentive to work (aside from building wealth and raising your standard of living) if all it does is pay more taxes??????So to make sure you don’t pay more in taxes you should go work at McDonalds and aim to die as broke as you possibly can.

And please stop bitching about getting a tax refund. Greed is good. When there is prosperity ambitious people spot the opportunity and they build businesses around it that benefit more people and improve everyone that business touches – higher wages, higher tax brackets – higher standard of living. On the flip side, when the government is forced to cut programs that a lot of families rely on it causes those families to have parents cut hours or even quit working which decreases discretionary spending which decreases the consumerist nature which leads to more layoffs and more unemployed people which in turn leads to less tax revenues and an effective freeze in American prosperity that most of us have enjoyed for quite some time.

Patriotism goes beyond a bumper sticker. If you are Joe the Plumber and get the privilege of casting a vote this November 4th ask yourself if you are really voting for your and your family’s best interests.

Atomic Tangerine Room gets a new cohabitant

ExchangeDefender
6 Comments

New veep…

photo

Sitting about 12 feet away from me. This is gonna get dangerous 🙂

I love my haters in a major way….

Vladville
Comments Off on I love my haters in a major way….

Folks, I hear the grumbling, believe me. And no matter how closed of a forum or hug group you think you have out there, everything you say and do comes back to me.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t like waking up every day just to be kicked in my face while I lose sleep trying to build and improve things – but the excellence and the value we deliver at Own Web Now are thanks to the haters and people that continue to push us, kick us, advise us and help guide the products, solutions and the entire business forward. I once asked a fellow partner why he seemed to have so much beef with how we did things but kept on bringing us business every day. His answer:

The more I recommend you and the more you succeed the more people you will hire and the value provided is unique to OWN and someone that I know. Minor bumps in the road are to be expected but you’ve never failed me in a way all of my other vendors have. You’re the only true partner I have.

Yes, he had the cowboy hat on. 🙂

When I gloat about how well we are doing in this down market it is a reflection of how well our partners are doing and how well our entire relationship with our partner base works. You see, we are partners, and there are times when one side is dragging the other.

Our current success and our current portfolio strength is due in part thanks to the major ass kicking I got last year at which point I dedicated a lot of time to fix the nagging issues in the products and services. This year we have worked very hard in August – October timeframe to hire and train up the new staff to help with where we are growing.

Every time someone that works with us gives us sh** either in private or in public it helps improve the situation. So folks, keep it up. I appreciate it.

And you know what, I do the same with Microsoft. We push a very large truck full of cash to Microsoft and I expect nothing but the best from them. I expect you to have the same attitude towards OWN.

Thank you, and you should be very happy with what you see in your inbox tomorrow, look for the OWN newsletter and check out the new properties we are building to strenghten our relationships and business opportunities together.